How To Stop Arguing & Start Understanding Each Other!
Answer: Take turns, show some respect, make time for each other to speak and mean what you say, and do what you say. While those words are easily said, they can be hard to follow when your partner says or does something that just makes you crazy with frustration.
Imagine driving in city traffic and there were no traffic signals working at any of the intersections. We would all be on hyper-alert at every signal. When the stop signals are working we basically trust that other people in cars will respect the rules of the road, we The Real Hope Couples Course consists of five agreements between you and your partner; and learning two skills. Are you in control of yourself, or not? If you make an agreement, and it turns out that you cannot keep your agreements then you must be out of your own control. If you still want to gain control over the behavior, professional help is probably needed.
The five agreements are:
- Time Out: Either partner can stop a conflict and leave the room or house when arguments feel overwhelming. I will stop talking and let you leave the room when you say, “I need a Time Out, I’ll be back in an hour.”
- Listening Exchange: To take turns listening to each other, reflecting what you hear. There is less conflict when we are clear who has the floor as a speaker.
- Weekly Meeting Time: To spend weekly time together to speak safely about the relationship, or any other concerns.
- Respect: Commit to allowing your partner to say when your tone of voice feels disrespectful.
- Integrity: What if I can’t do it? I will seek help if my behavior is out of my own control and my agreements are not reasonably kept.
The full agreements used in the RealHope Couples Course, are included for free in the link HERE.
These five agreements assure that there is a structure to move through conflicts. Someone who makes these agreements is interested in assuring that his, or her, partner feels safe to express their thoughts, feelings and needs without ill consequence.
The Two Skills central to the RealHope Couples Course are:
- How to respond to somebody who is angry, hurt or disappointed with you.
- How to express your thoughts, feelings and desires when you are angry or hurt.
The result of practicing these two core skills is that whenever there is anger, disappointment or hurt in your relationship; there is a simple path to listening and speaking that is most likely to be successful. And, you also have an agreement and path to handle the moments when communication is not being successful.
“If change is to happen….Let it begin with me!” – Al-Anon slogan
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandi
See more free tips & resources HERE.
When you know better, you do better!
‘Talk About Difficult Subjects Without Interruption’ – and other Free Podcasts HERE!
Loving couples argue too!