The Some partners get very quiet, and non-reactive and non-emotional in the face of their partner’s anger and hurt feelings being expressed.   Withdrawal Can

To Defend… or Not Defend Three Reasons To Stop Defending Yourself  Your partner says something that offends you, and you are positive that he or she

Ask Directly For What You Want   People don’t ask for what they want for several reasons: They think that you should know what they

  Keep It Simple Stupid             The Cat, the Fox, & the Hounds The fox was bragging to the cat

Stop Talking… So That You Can Be Heard   Being able to balance focusing on your partner’s thoughts and feelings with your own is an

What’s Wrong? Aren’t I allowed To Express My Anger? Answer to this, “Yes, of course. But, I will not stay in the room with your

How To Respond To Disrespect Do you sometimes feel as if your partner is speaking disrespectfully to you?  This could be a harsh tone of

Maybe I’m Distorting Something Here, But… Everyone makes mistakes in perception.  Sometimes, I think you mean to blame me, when you think you’re just stating

  The very worst time to talk about an issue is in the midst of an incident involving that issue. Issues consist of things like:

I find myself repeating this phrase with the men I work with the phrase, ‘Learn to accept a level two or three expression of irritation

When Will My Partner Start Taking Responsibility For Conflicts? This is a question that comes up often with the men and women that come to

Couples argue about: cleanliness punctuality not feeling significant not feeling cared about not feeling respected or acknowledged sex & intimacy child-rearing fairness in-laws responsibilities &

You Have More POWER Than You Know To Create A Better Relationship Or Marriage Can you start one new habit of hugging your partner three

Round Up ‘My Usual Suspects’ Of My Disrespectful Behavior Have you ever walked away from an argument with your partner, just scratching your head wondering,

 Our pride and our psychological defenses prevent us from speaking about what we are really feeling and thinking.  People get scared or hurt and adrenaline

I Do What I Want!   Defying rules and restrictions placed upon us by others is in our DNA.  One problem with having a reflex

When you or your partner is agitated, it may be impossible to carry on a respectful conversation. It may be impossible to take turns speaking

               Why Some Apologies Don’t Work   Catch yourself the moment you start thinking about saying the word, ‘BUT…’

  Reasons People Say & Do Things They Regret Later Our brains are designed to help us survive as a species.  Without our limbic system

Even In Conflict, We Can Orient Our Next Thoughts  When you find yourself in a ‘hot conflict’ with your partner your ‘First Thoughts’ are defensive

Your partner hasn’t been available for making love for over a month, which is a long time in your relationship.  You make an assumption.  The

Stalking behavior can include: ■ Threatening (verbally, in writing or by any other means of communication) to harm or kill the victim or the victim’s family,

I wrote this post at Marriage.com when they asked me to keep it close to 50 words.  It’s a quick cheat sheet summary of some

Is Your Shame A Mask For Compassion? Think of a moment that you realize that you’ve emotionally hurt someone you care about.  Visualize a moment

 When your partner is upset with you, do you notice that if your first words are explanatory, or defensive, that he or she seems to

  When someone moves toward you and you feel threatened, the natural instinct is to run or hide.   If you are the partner in

Amazingly Simple Ways To Make Your Relationship SOAR! As a professional and a relationship coach, I’ve seen similar core themes and dynamics of communication conflict

 When your partner is upset with you, do you notice that if your first words are explanatory, or defensive, that he or she seems to

Misreading Emotions This Ronald McDonald is convinced that he is giving this little girl the thrill of her life.  But, a quick read of her

Responding To People Who Are Upset With You Real Power Is Being First To Admit You Made A Mistake   When the idea of POWER is transformed

Are You Expressing Frustration Or Just Being An Ass? Key relationship concepts: “I don’t want to make you feel disrespected by me.” “It is O.K.

There are agreements and skills couples can learn that can absolutely help their relationship thrive and grow.  Unfortunately, many couples seeking professional counseling are not

These two agreements can bring structure back to your relationship communications!  As simple as it appears, these agreements can literally save a flailing relationship.  

Imagine Responding To Your Partner’s Anger With Grace & Ease   Let Go Of The Belief That Anger   Always Begets More Anger      

This exercise has the potential to have you and your partner noticing and talking more about each other’s positive, caring, and loving behaviors. What a

Try this experiment that I have run dozens of times with consistent results. First, using only your imagination, picture your partner coming to you with

How do you know if a relationship, that has some problems of conflict, can change for better? Kenny Rogers speaks to this dilemma, with his

Tips & Tricks That Enhance Friendship & Intimacy                                                 The Belly Hug A ritual that has helped a lot of couples is something known as

             Responding To People Who Are Upset With You              Real Power Is Being First To Admit You Made A

The images to the left are a reminder tool I call ‘Round Up My Usual Suspects’ card.   The actual card is the size of

Another way of asking the question is, “Are you often genuinely surprised and shocked that people think you have been disrespectful to them with your

Why would I want to move toward, or engage, the anger of my partner?  For one thing, it lets her know that I take her

When someone moves toward you and you believe you are in some danger, the natural instinct is to run or hide.   If you are

How can I get that 2 second window of time to think before I act? Many people know that it is crucial to take a

The K.I.S.S in the title refers to Keep It Simple Stupid!  When you are given too many instructions at the same time it can be

   The phrase, “That’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.” absolutely describes what happens when defending and explaining yourself are your first words used to calm

Answer: Take turns, show some respect, make time for each other to speak and mean what you say, and do what you say. While those

 Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful.  You do not need to be in a