The Time Out agreement below covers all of these obstacles. If one partner continually ignores the agreement he, or she, made; then that partner is ‘out of their own control’ and needs to seek individual or group treatment.

Stop Any Argument In 6 Seconds- The Time Out Agreement

Say the next paragraphs out loud to each other while making eye contact 3 to 5 times with partner. For the partner listening to the agreement, please do not read along while your partner is reading out loud. Watch your partner’s face to be available for the eye contact.

(Say partner’s name) if you say the phrase, “I need a Time Out.” and you say when you are coming back, I will stop talking and let you leave the room. We will talk later about the issue when you return. I trust that as you’re leaving, you will say how long before you return to talk with me. This is a no matter what agreement for me. No matter what, I am committed to your emotional safety. No matter what, I will let you leave the room without verbal or physical interference. I know this agreement may be the most important measuring stick for whether we can change as a couple.

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When the partner who leaves returns, generally within one hour, each partner’s first words, when they speak, shall include three sentences that demonstrates these three elements:

1. owning my part of the conflict we just had;
2. acknowledging how that affected your partner;
3. and, amends/action that may include ‘I’m sorry.” And, saying what action I’ll take.

For example,

“That’s right I interrupted you and raised my voice.
It makes sense you’d think I don’t care about your needs. I’m sorry. I’ll listen to you now.”